How to Cope with a Break Up

Divorce, Separation and Stress

The break up of a relationship – whether through divorce or separation – is considered to be one of life’s most stressful events, second only to the death of a spouse (Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale, 1967). Relationship break up is in many ways very similar to a bereavement; just as when you are grieving, divorce and separation often involve the loss of shared plans and dreams, of financial security, of emotional support, loss of status, and a period of intense sadness, hurt, and anger often follows. Many individuals report feeling a sense of failure after a relationship break up. Anxiety – the inability to stop thinking about – the reasons for the break up, self doubt, loss of confidence and self esteem, and other emotional problems are often at a high. It is reported that divorced or separated individuals are about 35% more likely to consult their GP than those who are married, particularly regarding stress, anxiety, depression and emotional problems.

Where there are children, there may be additional stress, about how the children are feeling, about how to cope with becoming the main carer, or with losing day to day contact if the children no longer live with you. Frequently there are financial difficulties in addition to emotional problems, as the same amount of money now needs to support two households in place of one.

How can hypnosis help?

Hypnotherapy and CBT – Cognitive Behavioural Therapy can teach you techniques to assist in your recovery. It can help you to regain confidence, and to rebuild your self estem. Hypnosis teaches you how to cope with anxiety about finances, moving house, and the future generally, and the affect the break up has on your family and friends and your relationship with them.

Hypnosis breaks the habit of negative thinking

Some people find it difficult to break out of the habit of feelings such as anger, hostility, grief, wanting to take revenge, or helplessness, which are experienced after a break up. Whilst in the short term strong feelings such as these are to be expected, if these emotions persist it is sometimes necessary to really step back and look at whether these emotions still reflect how you feel, or whether the strength of the emotional problems has in fact lessened, but you have fallen into a habit of thinking in a certain way. Hypnotherapy helps to break this habit of thinking in the same way that it helps weight loss, or helps you to stop smoking.

When do most relationships break up?

There are three points at which couples are most likely to break up – when they first get together, when the children are young, and after the age of 60. At this stage, many couples who have remained married “for the sake of the children” no longer have that reason to keep things going. Divorce rates are at the highest for couple who have been married for 3 years; and about a fifth of marrriages end within 5 years of the first child being born. Many couples live unhapily for years before separation or divorce, hoping that things will improve or worried about the cost of divorcing, or the effect on the children.

How to cope when you – or your parents – split up

You need not go through a break up alone. There’s no benefit to this! In fact the opposite is true – trying to keep a brave face often results in feelings of additional isolation, stress and anxiety. Talk to others about what you are going through. Support and advice from others at difficult times are essential. However, when a couple separates there is often the added difficulty that one or both parties may want you to “take their side”, by criticizing the other or, less directly, by demanding more than their fair share of your time and support. Others amongst extended family, or friends, may also “take sides” deciding that one party is the wronged party and the other the innocent victim, and expecting you to agrees. The parties may behave in certain ways to gain revenge, or sympathy. It is unhelpful to become involved in this. The people to whom you would normally go for support and advice – your family – may be precisely the people you cannot talk to at such times – everyone has strong views when divorce or separation happens! The help of a professional therapist can give you much needed support, independent of the complications of family ties or allegiances. It can also mean that you avoid feelings of guilt about burdening your friends or family with your problems. Talking to a therapist allows you to really say, in complete confidentiality, what you feel, without fear of being judged or of hurting someone’s feelings by saying the wrong thing.

You should expect to go through a whole set of different emotions – feelings of failure, anger, sadness, grief, anxiety, guilt, resentment, a sense of being overly responsible. Make time for yourself – to talk about how you’re feeling, but also to think things through by yourself. If your parents are divorcing, make sure you are informed about and involved in decisions about who will live where, what is happening with finances. Be sure to tell your parents how you are feeling – they may be preoccupied with their own worries at this time, so i may require more effort than it normally does to communicate with them.

How to regain your self confidence

Hypnosis and hypnotherapy are well known for their ability to make people feel less self conscious, more outgoing and confident. This is important following a relationship break up, when many people find that their self esteem is low. Many people who have gone through divorce or separation experience feelings of helplessness and failure and this can have an impact on their levels of confidence and thier ability to feel comfortable when with others. Whether you are just getting back into the habit of going out with friends, or whether you now feel ready to meet someone new, hypnotherapy can help you to enjoy your social life to the full.

Some people comfort eat after they separate from someone, leading to weight gain. Other neglect their appearance . Hypnosis gives you motivation to exercise, to help weight loss and to take care of yourself again.

Find a hypnotherapist in south Manchester

The therapists at this Stockport hypnotherapy clinic are Manchester’s top independently rated therapists in insomnia, anxiety and phobia treatment. If you are looking for hypnotherapists in south Manchester to help stress and anxiety, claustrophobiafear of flyingemotional problems such as jealousy and insecurity, panic attacks, or low self esteem, then go to any of the independent websites which list and give reviews of hypnotherapists (for example www.freeindex.co.uk – you can also see reviews on Google) and see what others say about us. If you would like further information about hypnosis in Stockport, for insomnia, to stop smokingself esteem and confidencedepression, for help with weight loss, to stop nail bitingteeth grinding, or other bad habits, for tinnitus or for any other problem, please call 07779 575 816 for a free, no obligation, confidential discussion.

Hypnosis and hypnotherapy in Didsbury, south Manchester – convenient for Chorlton, Gatley, Cheadle, Stockport, Altrincham, Hale and all areas of south and central Manchester. Click here for further details ofhow to find us.