What is jealousy?
Jealousy and insecurity are emotional problems which respond fantastically well to hypnotherapy. Jealousy describes the feeling you get when you believe a relationship which is very important to you is threatened. Jealousy is complicated, involving a myriad of thoughts, emotions and behaviours. It takes up so much of your time; you find it difficult if not impossible to switch off from thinking about it. You may blame your partner; you may believe that he or she is bound to find someone else more attractive; you may constantly compare yourself with others; you feel hurt, sad, unworthy, ashamed, embarrassed, and sorry for yourself. You may restrict your partner’s behaviour, check up on them, you may ask them question after question after question, you may find that you argue more and more; or perhaps you are feeling so insecure that you always let your partner have totally their own way, fearing what will happen if you voice your disagreement. Your partner may be angry that you don’t seem to trust them; or they may choose to hide things from you (even though those things are totally innocent) so that they can avoid you becoming jealous. As if this weren’t enough, feeling like this for any length of time can lead to depression, stress and even more anxiety.
Jealousy and insecurity are types of anxiety
Both jealousy and insecurity are a form of anxiety – the fear that you may lose the person you love, and the inability to stop thinking about this. If you suffer with jealousy or insecurity, you may constantly feel the need for reassurance – believing that if only you can trust your partner more, then you will feel ok. But jealousy and insecurity aren’t really about trust, or the way your partner is behaving, although it may feel like that. Jealousy and insecurity come from your own lack of confidence and feelings of inadequacy – and the constant need for reassurance makes you feel bad, and can also lead to confrontation and arguments, leaving you feeling even worse, with even less confidence.
Overcome jealousy by building your self esteem
The real key to overcoming jealousy -and many other emotional problems – is to change the way you feel about yourself, by building your confidence and self esteem. Underneath jealousy insecurity and envy are beliefs that perhaps you aren’t good enough – not attractive enough, not interesting enough, not clever enough – to keep your relationship going. Added to this is the fear that if you break up, you’ll be left on your own – that you won’t find someone else. Again, these thoughts are about the messages you give to yourself about your qualities and attractiveness. Hypnosis gives you a level of confidence which allows you to stop this negative thinking.
How hypnosis and hypnotherapy help you to overcome jealousy
Hypnosis allows you to switch off from the constant stream of negative thoughts currently going round your head. Whilst you are in hypnosis, you will be given specific suggestions about your confidence and self image, and self esteem exercises to help you to focus on the positive things in your life; about all the good things which makes you the person you are. The deep relaxation you experience in hypnosis allows you to regain your peace of mind; learning relaxation techniques and self hypnosis means that your sleep patterns will improve (many people with jealousy and other emotional problems also suffer from insomnia; you feel positive, relaxed and confident. As you feel better, you begin to act in a more positive way. You feel less hurt and angry, and so feel calmer and more in control of your emotions. Your increasingly positive behaviour allows you to feel good about yourself and your achievements, which in turn makes you feel more positive. In this way you can reverse the vicious circle of feeling more and more negative, and instead feel more and more positive. You feel more comfortable in your own skin, leaving you altogether more confident, more relaxed and better able to enjoy your relationships.
You can think of it this way – jealousy is basically a habit; a habit of negative thinking and subconscious associations. Hypnosis is well known for its ability to stop bad habits (nail biting, for weight loss, andsmoking, for example), and hypnosis for jealousy, insecurity and other emotional problems allows you to stop the bad habits of irrational fear, assuming the worst, jumping to conclusions, and instead to build your self respect and self confidence. You will be taught, with hypnosis and self hypnosis, to stop letting your imagination run away with you. You will learn to live in the moment and to forget the “what ifs?’. You become more confident, able to try new experiences and meet new people. Because you are feeling positive and confident these things go well – and so your confidence grows and grows. Confidence is a much more attractive trait than insecurity. When you are jealous and insecure, this affects the way others react to you, leading to a downward spiral. Hypnotherapy and hypnosis allows you to break this cycle.
What causes jealousy?
You may think that jealousy is caused by external factors. Perhaps you parents divorced when you were young; perhaps one of your parents was unfaithful, or maybe one of your exes cheated on you. But these things are in the past. Hypnosis and hypnotherapy help you to forget the past, and to live very much in the here and now, getting rid of preoccupations about things which happened before, or fears about what might happen in the future. Just because something has happened before doesn’t mean it will happen again – and none of us can foresee the future! If you have a healthy outlook on life, you will know that other people’s past behaviour doesn’t tell you anything about how your current partner will behave. However people who suffer with jealousy draw conclusions about the present based on past events. This is faulty thinking. Jealousy is caused by what we think about ourselves. Jealousy happens when you feel fearful – of losing someone, of being on your own,of looking foolish, of not being good enough, of not measuring up; when we have poor self esteem; when we lack confidence; when we jump to conclusions about our partner’s behaviour. Imagine you’re at a party with your other half. They are introduced to someone; they chat, smile and laugh; if jealousy is a problem you may make the assumption that this means they were flirting, that they are interested in someone else, and that ultimately you will lose them. But chatting, smiling and laughing are perfectly normal everyday behaviours! The feeling of jealousy comes from inside you, not from the way your partner has behaved, but from what you tell yourself about what that behaviour means. Cognitive behavioural hypnotherapy – a mix of hypnosis and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) allows you to think more rationally and to get rid of the jealousy and anxiety you feel.
Helping your relationship
More often than not, jealousy is caused by the jealous person’s behaviour and not by their partner. However, sometimes a client comes for hypnotherapy and tells me that before this particular relationship they didn’t feel jealous. Sometimes it is clear from what a client says that it is not only their jealous reaction to the partner’s behaviour that is unhelpful and destructive, but the partner’s behaviour, too. It is important to look at the history of the relationship, at patterns of past behaviour, the relatonship’s strengths and weaknesses, and at your thoughts, feelings and behaviour, to see if there are any practical steps which might improve your relationship. Hypnotherapy is not a “one size fits all” solution – your individual circumstances are taken into consideration. Your story will be listened to and the most appropriate solution for YOU found.
Doesn’t feeling jealous just mean I must really be in love?
The short answer is no. Jealousy is not a rational response. Some people confuse jealousy with passion. They see jealous and insecure behaviour as a sign that their love is very strong. But there is no place for jealousy in a healthy relationship. Of course, it’s a natural human emotion to not want to lose what is important to you. However when your thoughts are predominantly about losing the person you love, so that you are constantly focusing on the negative rather than the positive, jealousy places a huge strain on the relationship, leaving your partner feeling as though they’re constantly walking on eggshells to avoid you getting jealous. In turn you feel anger, self-blame, and further insecurity. They then react badly, leaving you feeling justified about your fears for the future. It’s a vicious circle. In the worst case, jealousy and insecurity lead to the break up of the relationship. Jealousy is a destructive and completely negative emotion. Hypnosis helps you to overcome it.
Other types of jealousy and emotional problems
Jealousy isn’t just about romantic relationships – you can be jealous of your colleague’s promotion, or your friend’s new car, or someone who can afford to buy a house, or whose house is bigger than yours; you may think a friend is more popular than you, or perhaps someone new has joined your social group and you feel left out. Hypnosis allows you to focus away from the negative internal voice which makes you resentful and unhappy; it allows you to focus on your goals and to achieve what you want. Negative thinking, resentment and unhappiness stops you from focusing on the steps you need to take to actually get what you want from life. Hypnosis and hypnotherapy teach you to stop the habit of negative thinking which is actually preventing you from moving forward and succeeding.
Find a Hypnotherapist in South Manchester
The therapists at this Stockport hypnotherapy clinic are Manchester’s top independently rated therapists in anxiety, insomnia and phobia treatment. If you are looking for hypnotherapists in south Manchester to help stress and anxiety, claustrophobia, fear of flying, emotional problems such as jealousy and insecurity, panic attacks, or low self esteem, then go to any of the independent websites which list and give reviews of hypnotherapists (for example www.freeindex.co.uk – you can also see reviews on Google) and see what others say about us. If you would like further information about hypnosis in Stockport, for insomnia, to stop smoking, self esteem and confidence, depression, for help with weight loss, to stop nail biting and other bad habits such as teeth grinding, or for any other problem, please call 07779 575 816 for a free, no obligation, confidential discussion.
Hypnosis and hypnotherapy in Didsbury, Manchester – convenient for Chorlton, Gatley, Cheadle, Stockport, Altrincham, Hale and all areas of south and central Manchester. Click here for further details ofhow to find us.